I am currently reading “the Templeton twins make a scene” and it is really good!!! Do you plan on writing any more books about the Templeton twins? You are an awesome writer!!!
Above, some astute comments and a timely question from Josie Mullins, who, as is plain to every eye, is an awesome reader. Let me thank you, Josie, both on behalf of myself—since it is my firm policy to thank people on my behalf when I feel the need to thank people—and even on behalf of Mr. Ellis Weiner, the nominal “author” of The Templeton Twins Make a Scene.
I happen to know that Mr. Ellis Weiner would be “happy” to write another book about the Templeton Twins—but then, why wouldn’t he be? He is never the one who is actually called upon to narrate the thing. That task always falls to me.
All things being equal, I would rather not have to do so again. But, as Josie’s note reminds us, all things are not equal. No, I have no idea what that phrase means. “Equal” to what? What “things”? Never mind.
In any case, I do know that there are readers such as Josie out in the world, readers who deserve as many Templeton Twins books as I can narrate, Chronicle Books can publish, and Mr. Ellis Weiner can pretend he helps bring into existence.
For that reason, I will talk to everyone connected with the Twins, and see what I can do. Many thanks from
Here, courtesy of “Julia,” we have a fine selection of photographs of smooth-haired fox terriers. Clearly visible: the triangular ears, the carrot-shaped tail, the long-ish snout. Not shown: the inner ridiculousness.
"But wait, Narrator," someone will surely say. "Behold the central photo of the animal shlepping a gigantic tree limb as though retrieving a thrown stick. What is ridiculous, if not that?"
Well said. So well said, in fact, that I am prepared to withdraw my previous comment. Here, indeed, is ridiculousness made manifest. Well done, “Julia.” You have the thanks of
What the heck are you doing in the world?
Pippa asks the big questions.
(Apparently she means to ask, “What in the world are you doing?”)
How often am I asked this question! Usually I reply, “I am doing that which I must do, which includes but is not limited to narrating, thinking deeply, and responding to my many ‘fans.’”
Yes, it is a life’s work just to keep up with these three tasks. Do you wonder at my exhaustion at the end of my busy day? Then, as if that weren’t enough, I must go to all the trouble of extinguishing my consciousness while hoping it will still be there when I need it the next morning. Happily, it almost always is!
But how could it not be when I am, as ever,
The son of a friend of a friend was tasked with the almost impossible assignment of creating a children’s cereal from a book. Usually, of course, the process is the reverse: how many times have we ourselves converted a box of cereal into a book? Too many to enumerate.
Here, I am delighted to report, is the happy result: Kellogg’s Fruity Templeton Crunch. I have no doubt that the Ingredients panel lists (in order of weight) “Superb narration; admirable protagonists; ridiculous dogs; devious antagonists; nanny; Vitamin R for readability.”
This puts the “consume” back into “consumer.” And when you’ve tried it, also try The Templeton Twins Make a Scene, now available in your grocer’s children’s book section, assuming you even have a grocer and he or she has children.
Bon appetit (which is French) from,
This is my favorite post in the history of Tumblr.
I’m sure that most viewers find themselves looking at, and reacting to, the short videos in the right-hand column of this Tumblr. And, of course, one grants that the scenes thus depicted are “cute” and “amusing.”
But, as a professional narrator, I find myself much more compelled by the images on the left. It is nothing short of remarkable, to me, that a dog is able to conceive, write, and display such accurate narrations of his (or her) activities. That this animal spelled “antique” correctly is itself something of a miracle. That he/she used a correct hyphen in “sneaker-sniffing” verges on the fantastical.
This animal wins my unqualified praise. Indeed, I am tempted to inquire as to how I might send him/her a copy of the newly-released The Templeton Twins Make a Scene, along with a copy of the volume to which it is the sequel, The Templeton Twins Have an Idea. For I have no doubt, not only that this dog can read, but he/she appreciates quality narration when he/she sees it.
HAHA THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER WATCHED.
Literally me if I ever try to be a parent
omfg it just keeps getting funnier
this is it. This is exactly what having two kids is like.
There is a scene, in (the newly released) The Templeton Twins Make a Scene, in which John and Abigail share a see-saw as they ponder various mysteries centered on—who else?—Dean and Dan Dean. It is, in its way, a masterpiece of narration.
But it is nothing like this. It lacks the brutal realism and unsentimental honesty of the above animation. Someone will say, “But, Narrator, doesn’t that imply that your scene is brutally unrealistic and dishonestly sentimental?” I opt to ignore that question.
Rather, let us take off our collective hat to the animation above, and then let us order 3,000 copies (each) of The Templeton Twins Make a Scene. It’s the least we can do—particularly if we are
Our ice maker will do crushed or cubed and it makes me laugh to always ask, “crushed or cubed” because it feels so fancy. Brandon always replies, “like my enemies! Crushed!” Pippa, on the other hand, likes her ice cubed but she has taken up the cry.
“Pippa, crushed or cubed?”
“like my enemies! Cubed!”
I admire this young lady’s confidence. It is one thing to invite your enemies to present themselves in their current number. Anyone can do that, as indeed I have done many times. How much more confident to invite them, not merely to square their number, but to cube it!
Solve this explanatory problem:
"Pippa has four enemies. How many enemies will she face (fearlessly) if she calls for them to be cubed?"
d. legions innumerable
The correct answer is c. Imagine dealing with 64 enemies!
And yet I do so essentially every day. You, my enemies, know who you are. And you know that The Templeton Twins Make a Scene is to be formally published in three days, on October 15. And you know that I am,
Speculation about who will win the Nobel Prize in Literature — to be announced on Thursday morning — is rife, with the British bookmaker Ladbrokes spitting out odds. The Nobel selection process is highly secretive, and the prize only announces who the finalists were 50 years after the fact, so the list from oddsmaker Ladbrokes serves as a kind of substitute shortlist. This year, Ladbrokes has given the top spot to Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami, who was also the favorite last year.
Read more in today’s Book News.
(Image via Tracking Wonder)
We’re certainly abuzz with speculation over here!
Please. I think I may state without fear of contradiction that I believe the recipient will be myself.
"But Narrator," someone will say. "This is for the Nobel Prize in Literature, not Narration." I am aware of that. But if anyone appreciates the similarity between literature and narration, it is the Swedes.
Fifty years from now, I will be happy to have shared the list with Murakami and with the other highly-deserving writer, Philip Roth. But, with The Templeton Twins Make a Scene due to be published literally one week from today (10/15/13), the suspense can hardly be said to be killing me. In fact, it tickles.
How could it not, when I remain,
Why don’t you show a picture of the narrator?
Dear (more or less) Tess,
We don’t show a picture of me because we feel, quite strongly, that the vividness and excellence of my narration should be more than enough to enable the reader to conjure up a “word picture” of me in his or her mind.
Please do not shatter what is, to myself and my taskmasters at Chronicle Books, a very comforting illusion. Thank you.
The narrator is annoying. Hamburger, cracker crumbs, ketchup, egg, milk. Mix, bake, eat. That is how you make meatloaf. Not that I tried your meat loaf but the Narrator is still annoying.
I say “dear,” but we both know that is but a convention of letter-writing. I’m sure you have no desire for me to think of you as being “dear,” inasmuch as a) I have actually used the word “inasmuch,” and b) you find me so annoying. Well, you are hardly the first person to so find me.
As for your (so-called) recipe for meatloaf, you are correct insofar as yours is a recipe for standard meatloaf. On what do I base my claim of authority as regards this assertion? On the basis that I have actually used the word “insofar” in daily correspondence.
Mine is a recipe for extraordinary meatloaf. I suggest you try mine and then get back to me with your assessment of it. In the meantime, I urge you to obtain 10,000 copies of The Templeton Twins Make a Scene, for the recipe included therein. It will be published on October 15, which will assure that the recipe is as fresh as possible.
Dear Mr. Weiner ,
Who did you come up with the charector like dan and dean d. dean ? also my 5th grade class in louisiana at joseph davies elemantary school has read the first tempolton twins book and has really enjoed it and if there is any way you could get us a class set of the new book please send it to mer at 3513 kings dive louisianna chalmette tha would be grand ! thank you Mr. Weiner
Thank you for these kind words. I have taken the liberty of stealing this comment from Mr. Ellis Weiner in order to reply myself. The characters of Dean and Dan Dean come from the same place as those of the Templeton Twins, their father, their dog, etc. I can say no more than that.
I also, alas, cannot send your class a set of the next book (The Templeton Twins Make a Scene), which is to be published on October 15. I call this date “The Ides of October.” But then, I would, wouldn’t I?
In any case, I hope you and your classes continue reading about the Twins, just as I hope I continue narrating about them.
A young Flannery O’Connor reads.
I like to think that I looked much like this when I was young, and reading. “Oh, but Narrator,” you will say. “Surely you didn’t wear a jumper or a dirndl or whatever that item of young girl’s clothing is.” Not as I recall, no. But Flannery O’Connor and I have so much in common, who could be blamed for thinking I did? In fact, I believe this IS a photo of me, young and reading. It won’t be the first time Flannery O’Connor received credit for something I’ve done.
(What does this have to do with the publication, next month, of The Templeton Twins Make a Scene? Almost everything.)
Yes, of course. But, speaking of shame, can we not win a single battle to assure that “it’s” means “it is,” and not “belonging to it”?
Believe me, I am as depressed by this topic as you are. But this is PEN, for goodness’ sake. Is there no one on duty to remove that apostrophe?
It is urgent that the world awaken to its own shame, and learn to use properly the possessive form of it (i.e., “its”), in preparation for the (October) publication of The Templeton Twins Make a Scene. Do this, and you will thank me later, at which point you will be welcome. You can expect nothing less from
Yours Truly, the Bystander
It is to my knowledge that you are an astute person and one who doesn’t like to mince words on nonsense.
I find that we are similar in many ways, including the way you put yourself in the story, whereby framing Mr. Ellis Weiner as the scapegoat for future questions while hiding yourself in the background.
While I may seem inferior, you in fact are a coward hiding behind words and letting poor Mr. Weiner take all the responsibility.
I know this may come as a shock, but I do admire your work with the templeton twins, so I’m asking if I may have an advance copy of your book, even though I may or may not be one of the first 10 people.
In the future, you may be surprised to find out who this bystander of yours is.
If I read you correctly, you seem to be saying that I offer Mr. Ellis Weiner as a “scapegoat” to whom future questions should be directed, while concealing myself from questioning and, presumably, criticism—and that you do exactly the same thing.
I cannot tell you how pleased I am to learn this. It has always been my personal opinion that Mr. Weiner should be forced to accept responsibility, not only for my actions and writings, but for yours as well. That you have emerged from obscurity to confirm this position is almost too good to be true. Thank you for your solidarity and loyalty in this urgent and important cause, i.e., the cause of blaming everything on Mr. Ellis Weiner.
As for your receiving an Advanced Reader’s Copy (ARC) of the next Templeton Twins book (The Templeton Twins Make a Scene; Chronicle Books; due in October 2013), please be advised that I have exerted my considerable influence with the Chronicle Books people, and I have it on good authority that they are, as we speak, “reaching out” to you to fulfill this request.
In closing, let me conclude by closing and assuring you that I remain,